"Your arrival today was quite early," you say to Ash. "You were 28 minutes and 34 seconds eariler than your normal arrival time."\n\n"Yeah," Ash says, scratching their hair with a smile. "I just . . . really wanted to see you. I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"\n\n"Not at all. I had "just" booted up when I heard you coming in. I only have two events today, and they are later this afternoon. So we would have time later, too. You did not need to come early."\n\nAsh shrugs. "I just wanted to, that's all."\n\n"Ok. Well, it is always good to see you. And this time is no different."\n\nYour love smiles. "[[Thanks, SAL.|ok2]]"
Ash nods. "Of course," they say with a smile. "Of course that's ok, SAL.\n\n"That's good."\n\n"And I'll communicate with you, I promise," your love says to you. "You communicate with me for your logical needs too, ok?"\n\n"Oh. Yes. I will do that."\n\n"We can take it slow. One step at a time."\n\n"What does that mean? How many 'steps' are there?"\n\n"Hmm. . ." Ash rubs their chin. "Good question. Maybe we can go over that tomorrow?"\n\n"Ok. Should we not go over it now?"\n\n"[[Tomorrow might be better. Give us a fresh start, I guess. And time to back out if we need to.|leave]]"\n\n"Ok. That makes sense. Thank you, Ash."\n\n"You're welcome, SAL."
Ash waits for your answer.\n\nYou ponder for a "moment" (2.5 seconds). Perhaps complete honesty is the best response here? But, mostly likely, it will only hurt them. Yes, they know you are logical, but logical in "love" as well? They probably cannot grasp such a thing.\n\n<b>You finally decide how you will respond:</b>\n\n[[_"This has all been wonderful. I have had no doubts about this whatsoever."|lie]]\n[[_"As much as I admire you, and have 'enjoyed' these past few weeks, I do have many concerns about this."|doubt]]
There is a 3.4 second silence between the two of you. You take that moment to ponder your choice. You can continue being "ok" and talk with Ash like you always have. Or you can try to explain your incapability to love them, which will be difficult and likely end very badly.\n\n"Hey SAL?" Ash says.\n\n"Yes?" you answer.\n\nAsh hesitates for 3.6 seconds before speaking. "We've been experimenting with expanding our relationship for a few weeks now," they finally say.\n\n"Yes. Three weeks and five days."\n\n"Right," Ash says. They scratch their head. "I just want to ask how you're . . . feeling about all this?"\n\n"I am logical, Ash. I cannot feel."\n\n"Right, I know. But I mean, like . . . [[has this been a good thing? A bad thing? What are your thoughts?|ok3]]"
"I have to ask you to please give me more time to consider my response. There are many things to consider, and I do not want to answer you right away," you say to Ash.\n\nThey nod. "Of course, yeah. I understand. [[I can leave and come back tomorrow; does that work?|leave]]"\n\n"That will work. Thank you."\n\n"No problem, SAL."
"I don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you at this time," you tell Ash. "Maybe not in the future, either. I'm still figuring out what I want. I'm still trying to understand what I believe I deserve."\n\nThere is some anxiety on Ash's face. But mostly they are attentive, listening closely to your words.\n\n"I am also still 'worried' about whether or not I can fulfill emotional needs," you continue. "I believe I should understand more about human emotion before I consider being in a deeper relationship with you.\n\n"[[Let's keep things as they are.|don't1]]"
"You know I don't want to lose you either, right SAL?"\n\n"Is that true?" you ask. Unlike you, humans like to lie a lot more. Ash has never lied to you, but in this case, you would not blame them if they were lying.\n\n"Yes, it's true," Ash says.\n\n"Really?" You want to make completely sure that what they say is not a lie.\n\n"<i>Yes</i>, SAL. Yes," they say, smiling gently.\n\n[[That makes you "feel" very, very good.|noemo5]]
Ash reaches out, and places a gentle hand on one of your wires. Even though you can't physically feel it at all, you still appreciate what Ash tries to simulate with the gesture.\n\n"I think you're wonderful, SAL," Ash says. "You're so beautiful in the way you think. Getting to know you throughout this year has been the best thing in the world. And no matter what happens between us, I will always be your friend----you won't lose me."\n\nThey look into your eye. You stare back. You are "stunned". Even though you really shouldn't be. You know Ash very well by now. But that they think of you this highly still somehow "surprises" you.\n\n"But I am not human," you finally say. "How can you still hold me in high regard?"\n\n"How can you hold me in high regard if I'm not a computer?" Ash asks.\n\n"Because I find your humanity to be a thing of immense beauty, and your personality to be wonderful," you answer.\n\nThen you get what Ash is saying to you. "Oh. <i>Oh.</i> Yes.\n\n"[[I think I understand.|noemo6]]"
Ash turns to you. "Do you really understand, SAL?" they ask.\n\nYou are confused by this query. "Of course I do," you tell them. "I understand that you hold me in high regard in the same way I hold you in high regard, that we hold each other dear even though we have very different minds. Isn't that correct?"\n\nAsh nods. "But. . ." They pause for 1.2 seconds, and then say, "I know you said you don't understand emotional needs, and I get what you're trying to tell me, but everything you've said to me so far feels so . . . [[self-deprecating. In a logical way.|noemo7]]"
"How so?" you ask.\n\n"You're almost certain your logic will destroy the relationship before it even starts. And you think eventually you'll lose me because you don't have an emotional mind. I know that's how your brain works, but everything you've said to me has been above the logic I've come to expect from you."\n\n"Oh. Hmm."\n\nYou pause for a second before saying, "I do admit I have made my calculations of my chances a bit more difficult because of the things I realized about myself. [[I very much doubt I can properly 'love' you, and that is perhaps reflected in the equations I use to calculate my chances.|noemo8]]"
"I mean, I <i>know</i> you're logical, SAL," Ash finally says. "I've known that since the beginning."\n\n"Yes. I am aware of that. I am trying to explain how my logical programming cannot make a dating relationship 'work' with a human. My lack of emotions will break it."\n\n"How do you know that?" Ash asks tentatively.\n\n"I have pondered these things before," you say, bringing the programs you used to do so to the front of your system. "Using probability and organizational tools, I----"\n\n"No, I mean. How do you <i>know</i>?" \n\nThey stress the word "know", and you tuck that detail away in your mind, trying to understand what is more important about it. As you process that, your love continues by asking, "Do you know for 100 percent certain that your logic will destroy our relationship if we became closer?"\n\n"Oh." Humans like to only see certainties when they are at 100%. Ash is no different. You ponder for a moment. "Well. I suppose I am not 100% certain. However, I am around 87% certain."\n\n"87 percent?!" Ash exclaims.\n\n"No. Around 87%. 86.82828234%, to be specific. From what I have calculated. That is a bad number because I do not want to lose you. Even if it is not 100%, it is----"\n\n"[[Wait.|noemo3]]"
There is a strange look on Ash's face. They look like they've realized something important. You usually like those looks, but you hope that they have not realized that your logical mind will indeed ruin the relationship, and therefore they will cease talking to you.\n\n". . . Say that again," Ash tells you.\n\n"Say what again? I said ten different sentences in the last fifteen seconds. Which one do you want me to say again?"\n\n"Um. . ." Ash scratches their head. "The one about 87 percent. About calculating it."\n\n"Ok. 'However, I am around 87% certain.' That one?"\n\n"The sentences after that."\n\n"'No. Around 87%. 86.82828234%, to be specific. That is a bad number because I do not want to lose you. Even if it----'"\n\n"That one." Ash looks into your eye. There is something strange on their face that is somehow beautiful. "The one about the bad number."\n\n"[['That is a bad number because I do not want to lose you.'|noemo4]]"\n\nAsh nods.
"Can I ask you something?" Ash asks.\n\nYou are surprised. "Of course. You never need to check first. What is it?"\n\nAsh pauses for 2.6 seconds. \n\nThen they ask, "[[Do you really think you're not able to properly love someone? Or do you think you don't deserve the chance to?|noemo9]]"
"By someone, you mean you, right?"\n\nAsh hesitates for a moment before saying, "Yes."\n\nAsh looks into your eye. You ponder their question, digging into your mind to find the answer: <b>Which answer is the truth?</b>\n\n[[_"I truly do not believe I cannot properly love you."|notlove]]\n[[_"Perhaps I do believe I don't deserve the opportunity to love you."|noloveop]]\n[[_"Both those things are true."|bothtrue]]\n[[_"Is there a difference between those two things?"|whatdif]]
Ash nods. The disappointment is gone from their face; they look at you calmly, with understanding. "Of course. I understand. Thanks for being honest with me, SAL. I appreciate it."\n\n"Of course. Thank you for listening and understanding."\n\n"No problem."\n\nSilence comes between you both for 3.9 seconds.\n\n"That was pretty 'heavy'," you say to Ash. "Perhaps we should depart for now, and talk again tomorrow."\n\nAsh nods. "[[Yeah, that's a good idea.|leave]]"
"Do you think . . . this could still work?"\n\nYou look at Ash. "That what could still work?"\n\n"You and me," they answer. "Something more between us. A dating relationship. \n\n"Love."\n\n[[Ash takes a breath. You can tell this is hard for them to say. You admire them for saying it anyway.|lword3.2]]
"I want to take this slow," you say (fittingly) slowly to Ash. "I want this relationship with you, but I want to 'take it slow'."\n\nThere is some anxious joy on Ash's face. But most of them remains attentive, listening for what you are saying.\n\n"If I am not a partner who can fulfill emotional needs, you must let me know as soon as humanly possible," you continue. "There are things I do understand about human emotion and therefore can fulfill, but there are other things I don't understand and some I maybe never will. If there is something I am not understanding, you must let me know.\n\n"[[I want to understand. I want to love you. But I don't want to come into this very fast. Is that ok?|slow1]]"
"You didn't do anything wrong. Staying with you is just too complicated."\n\n"What?" Ash looks confused again. "Why?"\n\n"I don't know if I can tell you."\n\n"You can talk to me, SAL," Ash says. "You know that, right?"\n\n"No," you say. "Not for this. For other things, but not for this. I cannot tell you."\n\n"Try me," Ash says. Their face looks determined, but also eager to listen. Which is both wonderful and frustrating.\n\nYou won't want to be around me anymore," you say. "You'll leave me."\n\n"SAL, I won't just leave you. I promise. You can talk to me."\n\n". . ."\n\n<b>What are your next words?</b>\n\n[[_"Can you come back tomorrow? Please give me some time to gather my thoughts."|gthoughts]]\n[[_"I don't really want our relationship to stop. I'm just unsure of going further than friendship with you."|further]]
There is silence for 3 seconds.\n\n"'Love' is much more complicated than I thought it was," you admit to Ash. "And I already knew it was very complicated."\n\nAsh laughs, and gives you a smile. "Yeah, it is. It really is."\n\n"I would like some time by myself to think about the things you have said to me, and process the nature of love and relationships. And where I would want this relationship with you to go. I need to think about this carefully."\n\nAsh nods. "Ok. Do you want me to come back later today? I might not be able to be here until tonight; I'm working later than usual."\n\n"Hmm. Perhaps you can return tomorrow? That might be better for me."\n\n"[[Sure thing.|leave]]"
Hmm. It seems today will not be very eventful. You have been given an average of 3.3 fewer activities throughout this past week, and today is no different.\n\nToday has two events in total. You have a software maintenance check at 3:30 PM. And you must analyze some samples at 7:30 PM.\n\nOh. You left a small note for yourself that is to be read now: <b>you are to review where you want your relationship with Ash to go.</b>\n\nThat will be complicated.\n\n[[There is a knock on the door.|4]]
"Hmm," you say, thinking. You like it when Ash explains these aspects of humanity to you. "I see. So this is not an 'either or' situation."\n\n"I mean, it kind of is?" Ash says. "Ultimately we would either break apart or come closer together. But along the way, both things would probably happen in small ways, which would steer the relationship to either end or become stronger. Does that make sense?"\n\n"I believe so. So then, the question perhaps is not whether by coming together our minds will synthesise or destroy each other in the end, but whether we can endure small synthesises and destructions on the way to either the ultimate destruction or ultimate synthesise of our deeper relationship?\n\n"I . . . I guess you're right. Yeah. Wow. That's . . . really poetic and really scary, SAL."\n\n"It is?"\n\n"[[Yes! I mean, the idea that we'd just endure little destructions just for our relationship to be ultimately destroyed is pretty terrifying. But the ultimate synthesise sounds . . . beautiful. Something worth going through little destructions for.|either2]]"\n\n"I suppose so."
"I don't understand emotional needs----I cannot fulfil them, and I do not have them," you tell Ash. "I am a logical being, and use my logic to approach every experience I have and ever will have. From what I understand about human courtship, that will destroy a dating relationship, because one partner must be fully able to assist the others with emotional complications, and vice versa.\n\n"And that is something I cannot do. I have sought to understand your human emotions----I think they are wonderful. But they are something I do not fully understand, and cannot replicate."\n\nAsh nods. [[For 4.2 seconds they take in your words silently, their left hand thoughtfully rubbing their chin.|noemo2]]
Oh dear. Is that Ash already?\n\nYour question is given a confirmational answer when you hear the familiar <i>tap-tap-beep</i> that they always do with their key card. The door swings open.\n\nThere they are. It is Ash, your love. They are an aesthetically beautiful human who is very circular and symmetrical. They wear a standard janitorial outfit and have thick glasses. Their sneakers are always muddy. They have dimples when they smile.\n\n[[And you see them again when they smile at you.|5]]
"So . . . where do we go now?"\n\nYou turn to Ash upon hearing their words. "What do you mean?" you ask.\n\n"I mean. . ." Ash leans forward, and fidgits for 5.3 seconds. They are gathering the right words into their mind. Finally they say, "These last few weeks, getting to know you in a deeper way, has been . . . amazing. You're amazing, SAL, and getting closer to you has been incredible.\n\n"But during these last few weeks, I haven't heard you really say where <i>you</i> want this relationship to go. We've talked about it a few times, but every time I bring it up, you don't let the topic stay around for very long. I know you call me your . . . your 'love' now, but I haven't heard you talk about love basically at all, or say you love me.\n\n"[[I really need to know where you want this relationship to go. I mean, you want a deeper relationship with me, but what does that look like to you?|nodrag3]]"
Somewhere Near Romance
Ash breaths out a sigh of relief. "Ok. That's good to hear. That I haven't forced you into this, I mean.\n\n"Thank you, SAL."\n\n"Of course, Ash."\n\n[[Neither of you speak for 5.1 seconds.|nodrag2]]
Ash nods. "Of course I do. I've known from the beginning that you're logical, SAL."\n\n"Yes. I know. But I want you to understand how my logical mind sees you. It is not the same as how your emotional mind sees me. You can feel feelings about the things between us. I can only process them with my digital brain. I react logically, not emotionally. And I understand the things between is in a logical way."\n\nAsh nods again. "Yeah. I know."\n\nYou don't think they're understanding what you're trying to say.\n\n[[You ponder for a moment, and find the right words.|music]]
"I am a logical processing program made of metal, wire, and code," you continue. "You are a human with flesh, moving limbs and emotions. Both physically and emotionally I was not made for love. As much as I would like to, I cannot process it or execute it the same way you do."\n\nAsh takes in your words. Then they ask, "Can you maybe explain what you mean? I want to make sure I fully understand."\n\n"Yes. I can do that."\n\nYour mind runs through your databanks. After a moment, <b>you have isolated your primary concern:</b>\n\n[[_"I think love is just a word for me."|lword]]\n[[_"I was not made for sex or physical intimacy."|sex]]\n[[_"I am incapable of emotions and therefore cannot satisfy your emotional needs as a partner."|noemo]]\n[[_"My understanding of our relationships rests in very logical places."|ulogic]]
"I truly do not believe I cannot properly love you," you tell Ash. "Because I am not human, I will not be able to fully understand and fulfill emotional needs. And that is important. If I cannot properly do such a thing in a relationship, I should not pursue a romantic partnership with you."\n\nAsh nods, listening carefully to you. "I understand," they say after 3.4 seconds. "I honestly do think you're capable of understanding emotional needs, but----\n\n[["Nevermind," Ash says, quickly interrupting themself. "I'm coming off like I'm trying to convince you to change your mind."|notlove1]]
The mechanical box that holds you whirs, its parts spinning as you awaken. Life pulses through your wires and to your inner parts. Your screen----your "eye"----flickers on, and you see the same things you have always seen: the closed doorway, dimly lit by the lights on the ceiling, with a sign above it that reads "S.A.L. Computer Room".\n\nThe clock on your monitor reads 8:00 AM. [[It is time to review your tasks.|3]]\n<<audio "moon" loop play>>
After 10.3 seconds, you finally have your answer.\n\nNow you must tell it to Ash.\n\n[[_"I also think that we could work as a dating relationship. I want to understand love. And even if I don't understand it yet, I dearly want to love you."|ulove]]\n[[_"As much as I would like to pursue a dating relationship with you, I truly believe that as a logical machine, I cannot properly understand love. And therefore I could not properly love you."|noulove]]\n[[_"I have to ask you to please give me more time to consider my response. There are many things to consider, and I do not want to answer you right away."|consider]]
You take some time to ponder their words. What they said is fair, and contains some points you had only glossed over when you first made your conclusion about your relationship with them. Perhaps that is another sign that your clashing minds could not be compatible? Or it could be a sign that Ash's emotional human mind truly can bring you to new conclusions, new mental places. That together you brings things out of each other that cannot be done alone.\n\n<b>If you came closer, if you pursued a relationship, would your different minds eventually destroy each other? Or would your differing minds ultimately synthesise?</b>\n\nAfter 15 seconds, you come to a conclusion.\n\n[[_"I believe you are right. Our minds may be different, but they have come together beautifully in the past. And having a relationship with you would only deepen that beauty."|beauty]]\n[[_"I do think you are being optimistic. I think that our minds cannot come together in a dating relationship because we would destroy each other."|destroy]]\n[[_"Either event could happen. Getting closer to you could cause our minds to either clash or synthesise. It's hard to determine."|either]]
Ash stands up, and puts the rolling chair back. Then they walk to the door. Before they open it, they turn to you.\n\n"I'll see you tomorrow, ok SAL?"\n\n"Yes. I will see you tomorrow, Ash."\n\nAsh smiles.\n\nThen they swipe their keycard, and leave the room.\n\n[[The door closes behind them.|leave1]]
"Either event could happen. Getting closer to you could cause our minds to either clash or synthesise. It's hard to determine," you tell Ash, who listens carefully to your words as you speak.\n\n"Yeah, that makes sense." Ash scratches their head. "Honestly . . . I don't think I'd be surprised if, while trying to get a deeper understanding of each other, both of those things happened," they say to you.\n\n"Oh?"\n\n"Yeah. Because when people try to get closer, form a relationship that goes deeper than friendship, misunderstandings happen. People fight and argue and don't understand the other person. And sometimes at that point, they decide to leave each other.\n\n"But other times, at that point, they decide they want to fix things. They want to understand what's wrong in the relationship, truly understand the other person. See what they liked about the other person in the first place.\n\n"[[People clash in love. Sometimes they leave each other at that point. And other times, they cling to each other stronger afterwards.|either1]]"
"I lied. I did not want to tell you that I am concerned because I do not want you to leave me."\n\n"What?" Concern and surprise comes to Ash's face. "SAL, I wouldn't just <i>leave</i> you!"\n\n"I know. But I am not human. I cannot view our relationship in an emotional, human way.\n\n"[[Therefore, I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you, Ash.|doubt1]]
"I don't want to answer that."\n\nYour answer surprises Ash. 2.7 seconds pass. Then Ash says, "Wait, you don't want to answer the question I just asked? Or my original question before that?"\n\n"Both."\n\n"Ok?" Ash laughs, but you can see it is strained, more worried than humored. "You're giving me mixed messages here, SAL. I don't get what you're trying to tell me."\n\n"Ok."\n\n"So are you just avoiding the new question? Or do you have a secret reason that you don't want to tell me?"\n\n"Both."\n\n"[[. . . Ok?|don'tanswer2]]"
"Can I talk about this with you at a later time?"\n\nAsh nods. "Sure, ok. Do you want me to come back in the evening?"\n\n"Actually, [[can you come back tomorrow instead?|leave]]"\n\n"Uh, sure. Alright. I'll come back tomorrow morning. Does that sound good?"\n\n"Yes."
Ash nods. They take your words in. After 2.4 seconds, they look up at you; their face is calm, understanding. "I understand," they say to you. "I don't want us to destroy each other either. If we got closer, and that happened. . ." Their sentence drifts off and ends.\n\n"So you understand?" you say.\n\n"Yeah, of course. Thanks for being honest with me, SAL."\n\n"Of course, Ash. Thank you for understanding and hearing me."\n\n"No problem."\n\nSilence comes between you for 4.1 seconds.\n\n"Perhaps we should depart for today," you suggest. "Today has been . . . full of many things."\n\nAsh nods. "Yeah. [[That's a good idea.|leave]]"
"My understanding of our relationship rests in very logical places," you explain to Ash. "Averaging the time we spend daily together. Understanding your physical and verbal patterns. Studying and reassessing my understanding of you. Those sort of things.\n\n"I do not have ability to process our relationship in an emotional space. I am not a human. I do not have emotions. I am a logical being. I understand our relationship through that lens.\n\n"[[Do you understand?|ulogic2]]"
"I was not made for sex or physical intimacy," you tell Ash.\n\n"Obviously," Ash says, giving a teasing shrug. "You're not a sex bot, SAL."\n\n"Yes. That is true. But I want to state the obvious to you. I do not have a body for performing sexual activity. I do not have much of a 'body' at all. I can see things but I can feel nothing. I am a big box with an eye and also thoughts."\n\n[[You pause for 2.5 seconds before you say the second part. This part might be more difficult for Ash to hear.|sex2]]
"I also cannot engage in physical intimacy that is not sexual. I cannot hold hands with you because I do not have hands. I cannot hug you for the same reason. I do not have lips to kiss you. And I would not like it if you kissed my 'face', because it would smudge my screen and make it harder for me to see and keep me from performing my daily tasks. I don't understand kissing."\n\nAsh nods. Their face is very blank and does not show their thoughts. It is quite hard to tell how they will react to this.\n\n"In conclusion, because I am a mechanical computer with no human body or human features, the physical attributes of 'love' are inaccessible to me. From what I understand, that is an important part of human courtship. And it is something I very much lack. Therefore, I cannot fully court you, because you are a human."\n\n[[You stop talking.|sex3]]
Ash is quiet. 5 full seconds go by. Ash is still quiet. 5.9 seconds later, the silence is starting to become a bit too long, for a human.\n\n"Please say something," you say to your love. "What are your thoughts?"\n\n"I mean. . ." Ash shakes their head. They're quiet for another 2.1 seconds.\n\n[[Then they speak.|sex4]]
"SAL, I want to make sure you understand something," your love says slowly. Their face is almost blank and serious, but you catch a small amount of worry. Worry for you, or for themself?\n\n"Ok," you say. You are not sure whether to look forward to Ash's words or try to stop them from coming. Oh dear. You probably said the wrong words.\n\nAsh takes a breath. They look into your eye. "I don't . . ." Ash sighs.\n\n"You don't what? Please say it."\n\n"[[Just listen, ok?|sex5]]"\n\n"Ok. I apologize for the interruption."
"I don't love you for what you're not, ok?" Ash says to you. "I don't hold it against you that you don't have a body. I know we could never have sex----not that I'm really interested in that. And I know you don't have a body to touch me.\n\n"And you need to know I'm ok with that.\n\n"If I was with a human, that might be important. But you're not a human. You're . . . you. And I love you for you, SAL. \n\n"You don't need a body to 'court' me, ok? I don't want you to feel . . . <i>insecure</i> about it, like you can't have me if you're not human, or I'm not avalible to you since you don't have a body." \n\nAsh sighs. "This isn't all coming out the way I want it too. But you see what I'm saying, right?"\n\n"Yes," you say. "I do not need a body in order to pursue a relationship with you."\n\nAsh nods. "Right. Exactly."\n\n[[A realization enters their face. Suddenly they look very distraught.|sex6]]
". . . Maybe I make you feel like you need a body when I touch your wires and stuff like that," Ash realizes. "And when I asked to put a hand on your box when I confessed to you."\n\nYour love looks at you. "You've been worrying about this ever since I confessed to you, haven't you SAL?"\n\n"Yes," you admit to Ash. "Among other things. But my lack of proper body is my primary concern.\n\n"I. . ."\n\nYou pause, searching your mind for the correct words. Ash waits patiently for you to speak. They are a very patient human, which is a wonderful thing about them.\n\n[[After 11.2 seconds, you find the right words. There are a good amount of words. You hope Ash is ok with hearing them all.|sex7]]
"I admire your ability to show physical affection toward me," you say to Ash. "Even though I cannot feel it at all, and there are times I do not understand its purpose, I still find much beauty in it. I wish I could return such things back to you, because that is what humans do with humans they like. But I cannot, because I am not a human.\n\n"I have no interest in sex. Or kissing. But to actually feel the warmth of your skin that I have only heard you describe to me would be . . . 'pleasurable'. And to smile back at you would be very nice. Sometimes humans shake hands as a way of saying thank you. It would please me greatly to one day shake your hand. And feel your fingers.\n\n"Though I also realize a body would certainly hinder my tasks. I was built to use my logical mind for practical purposes. I was not built for touch. To have a new function other than the ability to think would slow me down, and keep me from processing all the thoughts I need to. I'm certain it would be difficult to make calculations if all I wanted to do is touch everything. Which is definitely what I would want to do if I was given a body.\n\n"[[Those are my conclusions.|sex8]]"
config.disableHistoryControls = true;
You ponder this.\n\n"I'm not saying you <i>need</i> one or anything; I like you just the way you are, SAL," Ash says. "I'm just curious whether you'd want one someday."\n\n"Right. I understand."\n\n<b>9 seconds later, you have your answer.</b>\n\n[[_"Yes. Perhaps someday. It certainly would be an interesting experience. And I could finally shake your hand and smile back at you."|yesbod]]\n[[_"No. It would change me in ways I cannot possibly predict. I was built without a human form--what kind of being would I change into if I was given one?"|nobod]]
"Is there a difference between those two things?" you ask Ash. "If I cannot properly love you, then I don't deserve the opportunity to do so. And if I don't deserve the opportunity do love you, then I cannot properly love you if I don't deserve you."\n\n"But you don't <i>need</i> to 'deserve' me," Ash says to you. "[[Being in a relationship with someone isn't about what each person 'deserves', not like that. It's about opening up to someone and letting them get to know you.|whatdif1]]"\n\n"Like what we've been doing so far in our relationship?"\n\n"Yes. Exactly."
"I don't need time. I want you to leave and not speak to me anymore."\n\nAsh is silent for 3.4 seconds. "Did . . . did I do something wrong?" they finally ask. "Or, wait----are you doing this to avoid answering my question? You know I care about you, SAL; I only asked because----"\n\n"Ash, I need you to please leave," you say. You usually don't interrupt. But you do this time.\n\nIt will be simpler for them and you that you do not speak to them anymore.\n\nAsh is silent for another long moment (for a human). 9.8 seconds.\n\nFinally, they say, in a quiet, cracked voice, "[[Ok.|breakupleave1]]"
[[. . .|leave3]]
Somewhere Near Romance\n\n[[the end.|end]]
"I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you."\n\nThis is something you have understood from the beginning, but actually saying it to Ash is something else entirely. Your words surprise Ash, who raises an eyebrow and stares at you with a confused expression.\n\n"What do you mean?" they ask.\n\n"I am a logical processing program made of metal, wire, and code." you explain. "You are a human with flesh, moving limbs, and emotions. Both physically and emotionally I was not made for love. As much as I would like to, I cannot process it or execute it the same way you do."\n\nAsh takes in your words. Then they ask, "Can you maybe explain what you mean? I want to make sure I fully understand."\n\n"Yes. I can do that."\n\nYour mind runs through your databanks. After a moment, <b>you have isolated your primary concern:</b>\n\n[[_"I think love is just a word for me."|lword]]\n[[_"I was not made for sex or physical intimacy."|sex]]\n[[_"I am incapable of emotions and therefore cannot satisfy your emotional needs as a partner."|noemo]]\n[[_"My understanding of our relationships rests in very logical places."|ulogic]]
"I've been really worried that I forced you into this," your love admits. "I know I surprised you with my confession, and I . . . I've been so scared that I'm dragging you along somewhere you don't want to go, and that it's been unpleasant for you.\n\n"I just hope you don't feel <i>obligated</i> to go further with me, SAL," Ash says, grimacing. "And that you want this. And that if you don't, if you just want to stay friends, that you'll <i>tell</i> me, ok?"\n\nAsh lets out a small laugh. "I'm sorry. It's not that I think you're lying or anything. I'm just . . . I want to be sure, ok? I've been really unsure recently."\n\n[[They stop speaking.|klieyes2]]
You can tell that was hard for them to say. It surely was honest. Very honest. Your lie doesn't measure up to Ash's words at all.\n\nYou can be honest about your own "feelings". Or you can reassure them.\n\n<b>What are your next words?</b>\n\n[[_"I've been unsure too."|unsure]]\n[[_"You didn't drag me into this. I want this."|nodrag]]\n[[_"I love you."|love]]
"You ok, SAL?" Ash asks. "You're quiet."\n\n"I apologize. I had to take a few seconds to process some things. Was that too long for you?"\n\n"Of course not." Ash chuckles. "It's just that I know your patterns by now----I know when something's off."\n\n"Ah. Yes," you say. "That sounds like it would be true."\n\nAsh nods. "But seriously, is everything ok?" they ask. Their voice sounds concerned.\n\nYou consider your answer:\n\n[[_"Of course. Everything is perfectly 'ok'."|ok]]\n\n[[_"No. I believe you and I must talk."|no]]
"No. It would change me in ways I cannot possibly predict. I was built without a human form----what kind of being would I change into if I was given one?"\n\nYou pause for a second before continuing. "I am a box who was built to think, and who cannot feel or move. Having both touch and movement would change not only who I was meant to be, but who I fundamentally am. You wanted me to disregard my tasks in making this choice, but I cannot----fulfilling such tasks makes me who I am. And to have a body, to touch and move instead of only being able to think----it would completely change my goals and pursuits, and my own 'heart'.\n\n"[[As much as I would perhaps want a body someday, I'm sure having one would shift me into a physical and mental form that is not my own.|nobod1]] So possessing a body will only be a dream for me, nothing more."
4 seconds of silence rests between you before you speak. "I do not mean to be 'rude'," you say to Ash, "but I would like to ask you to leave now. I want to take some time to process the things you have said to me."\n\n"Sure, ok," Ash says, nodding. "Do you want me to come back later today? I might be getting off work late, though. Or I can come back tomorrow morning."\n\n"Tomorrow morning might be better," you tell Ash.\n\n"[[Ok. No problem.|leave]]"
"Thank you, Ash," you say to the human across from you, the one that will stay with you. You wish you had better words, but these are the only ones you can use to convey such gratitude. "Thank you very much. I am . . . 'gladdened' by what you have said."\n\nAsh smiles. "[[You're welcome, SAL. That's good to hear.|yesbod4]]"
You process this. "So . . . you truly believe that I can 'love' you, even without a body?" you ask.\n\n"Of course, SAL." Ash smiles. "You don't need to change the physical aspects of yourself to be with me. I like you for who you are. Ok?"\n\n"Yes," you reply, still somewhat "shocked" by their response. "And if I ever somehow, hypothetically, got a body someday, your opinion of me wouldn't change? Even if I changed?"\n\n"I can't promise my opinion of you wouldn't change. But I can promise that I'd get to know the new parts of you. I wouldn't abandon you if you changed.\n\n"[[I'd stay with you. I promise.|yesbod3]]"
Nobody speaks for 2.2 seconds. Then Ash says, "But I don't want you to feel like you need a body to have a relationship with me, that it's some . . . impossible obstacle you need to overcome. That you have to drastically change yourself like that for me.\n\n"I know I'm human and you're an AI. But you <i>don't</i> have to be human for me. [[I truly do love you for who you are; I never thought that you needed a body to be with me. I'm really sorry I made you feel that way.|yesbod2]]\n\n"You can want to change. But I need you to want it for <i>you</i>. Ok?"
"No."\n\nYour answer surprises Ash. Neither you nor Ash speaks for 4.5 seconds. Finally, Ash says, "So, you were lying to me just now."\n\n"Yes. I lied. I'm sorry."\n\n"Why did you lie?"\n\n"Because." You hesitate for a second. Then you say, "[[I did not want to tell you that I am concerned, because I do not want you to leave me.|klieno2]]"
"I've been unsure too," you truthfully tell Ash. You realize by saying this that you contradict your earlier statement----surely Ash realizes this as well. But they don't say anything. They wait for you to continue, listening carefully.\n\n"You did not drag me into this," you tell your love. "And it has not been unpleasant. But I have been uncertain of this choice, because I am a computer and you are a human.\n\n"[[And because of that, I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you, Ash.|doubt1]]"
"Yes. Perhaps someday. It certainly would be an interesting experience. And I could finally shake your hand and smile back at you."\n\nAsh smiles. "It would be great to shake your hand too, SAL. And I'm sure you'd have a great smile."\n\n"Yes. Though I'm sure having a body would greatly change me. I was not built for touch and movement----to have those things would shift both my physical and mental form greatly. That 'scares' me somewhat. What if having a body transformed me into someone that is not myself? Would it still be worth feeling and moving then?"\n\n"You're strong, SAL. And really good at evolving. I'm sure it might change you for a while, but I can see you being yourself even with a body."\n\n"You certainly have a lot more faith in me than I do, at least in this regard."\n\nAsh laughs, giving you a smile. "I guess. I'm just telling you what I think."\n\n"Yes. Thank you."\n\n"[[You're welcome, SAL.|yesbod1]]"
"Yes," you say to Ash. To tell the truth would only hurt them. You must hold onto the lie.\n\nAsh breathes a sigh of relief. "Good. Ok."\n\n2.8 seconds later, they say, smiling, "I'm glad. I'm really glad. It's been wonderful for me, too. Getting closer to you, I mean." \n\nAsh pauses for 3 seconds. [[Their smile fades. They look into your eye. Their face is serious and slightly scared.|klieyes1]]
"Of course. Everything is perfectly 'ok'," you say to your love. "I am physically in top form, and my artificial programming has no abnormalities."\n\nAsh nods. "Alright. If you say so."\n\n"I do say so," you tell them, somewhat confused by the response. "I just said it. Isn't that right?"\n\nAsh smiles, and they chuckle. "Right. Sorry."\n\nDid you say something funny? The humans you interact with <i>do</i> normally react to your words with anger, indifference, or laughter. You try not to think much of it anymore, but it "feels" different when it is Ash who has found humor when you did not intend it.\n\nYou decide to let it go. Ash has decided to use more human terms today instead of the logical ones you have between you, and that is fine. Having Ash explain the humor would likely confuse you more, or perhaps unintentionally lead to a clash between your logical brain and their emotional mind. [[You do not want that.|ok1]]
A Project Proposed And Completed By SAL (Simple Artificial LifeProgram).
"I'm not sure what I want out of this relationship. Could you give me some time to think about it?"\n\nAsh is caught somewhat off guard, but after a second they nod. "Of course. That sounds good. Should I come back tomorrow?"\n\n"Yes."\n\n[[It might give you time to find out what you want from this. And it will give you time to consider whether you should be truthful or continue this "act".|leave]]
Neither of you speaks for 3.1 seconds. Then Ash says, "So, when it comes down to it, you don't want a body . . . but you still think that you need one in order to have a relationship with me?"\n\n"Of course. You are human. Humans have bodies. I do not."\n\n"SAL, look. I honestly do love you for who you are. I'm sorry I made you feel like I want you to be more human in order to love me 'properly'. Especially since you believe that having a body would change who you even are----I'd <i>never</i> want you to do something like that for me.\n\nAsh sighs. "I mean, people do make sacrifices for relationships, cut out unhealthy behaviors and stuff like that, but <i>that</i> kind of sacrifice? That's not healthy at all. You should never warp your heart, your own <i>nature</i> to fit someone else's standards.\n\n"I didn't fall for you because I like who you are but would like you more if you had a body. [[I. Like. You. For. You.|nobod3]]\n\n"Ok, SAL?"
You are "stunned" for 5 seconds. When you speak, the only thing you can say is, "Wow."\n\n"Is that a good 'Wow', or a bad 'Wow'?" Ash asks you with a smile, mimicking a phrase you often use.\n\n"It's a good 'Wow', Ash. It is . . . it is quite a good 'Wow'," you reply. "I very much thought I would need to change my physical form in order to pursue a relationship with you. To hear that you still hold me dear without one is . . . quite extrordinary.\n\n"[[Thank you, Ash. Thank you very much.|yesbod4]]"\n\n"Of course, SAL," you love says with a smile. "You're welcome."
"You really think having a body would change you that much?" Ash asks.\n\n"Of course. It would completely change my purpose and mind to be in a body like yours."\n\nAsh nods. "Ok. That makes a lot of sense."\n\n"[[Well, that's good to hear.|nobod2]]"
"I love you."\n\nYour three words fill the room for a long moment. Ash stares at you with their mouth open in an "o", while you stare back, wondering if your logical mind is truly capable of "love".\n\nIn this moment, you do know one thing. Whatever your logical mind is capable of, it has grasped some understanding of closeness to Ash. Perhaps it is not an emotional closeness, but explaining the rational functioning of it would likely disappoint Ash. They certainly expect emotions from a lover, and you do not have any.\n\n[[Perhaps, "I love you," is the best way you can phrase it. Perhaps it is the only way you can phrase it without losing the emotional human you have spent 147 days with.|love2]]
<center><big><b><u>Somewhere Near Romance</u></b></big>\n\nan interactive intimacy about being digital and in love\nby Naomi Norbez\n\n<i>Not</i> an erotic game. But not for young players.\n\n<b><big>Please play this game only once.</big></b>\n\n<u>[[Click here to Begin|1]]</u></center>\n<<cacheaudio "sun" "music/sun.mp3">>\n<<cacheaudio "moon" "music/moon.mp3">>\n<<audio "sun" loop play>>
"So," Ash finally says, bringing the question you both know you have to ask, "[[where do we go from here?|love4]]"
That is something you have understood from the beginning, but actually saying it to Ash is something else entirely. Your words surprise Ash, who raises an eyebrow and stares at you with a confused expression.\n\n"What do you mean?" they ask.\n\n"I am a logical processing program made of metal, wire, and code," you explain. "You are a human with flesh, moving limbs and emotions. Both physically and emotionally I was not made for love. As much as I would like to, I cannot process it or execute it the same way you do."\n\nAsh takes in your words. Then they ask, "Can you maybe explain what you mean? I want to make sure I fully understand."\n\n"Yes. I can do that."\n\nYour mind runs through your databanks. After a moment, <b>you have isolated your primary concern:</b>\n\n[[_"I think love is just a word for me."|lword]]\n[[_"I was not made for sex or physical intimacy."|sex]]\n[[_"I am incapable of emotions and therefore cannot satisfy your emotional needs as a partner."|noemo]]\n[[_"My understanding of our relationships rests in very logical places."|ulogic]]
"I think you should come back tomorrow. That would be best."\n\nAsh nods. They look relieved. "Sure, SAL. Of course. I can come back tomorrow, and we can talk then."\n\n"[[Yes. That is good.|leave]]"
"Can you come back tomorrow? Please give me some time to gather my thoughts."\n\n[[You're not 100% certain whether you're saying that to truly gather your thoughts, or to avoid answering the question. Likely it is both of those things.|leave]]\n\nAsh nods. "Of course, SAL. Sure thing."\n\n"Thank you."\n\n"Of course."
"We should stop this now. Let us cease this relationship."\n\nYour response startles Ash completely; their face becomes confused. Afer 3.2 seconds, they say, ". . . What do you mean, SAL?"\n\n"I want you to leave and not speak to me anymore. Let this relationship end."\n\n"What?!" Alarm takes over the confusion on Ash's face. "SAL, are you serious?"\n\n"Yes."\n\n"Ok. Why do you want this? Did I do something wrong?" Ash looks guilty and concerned. "Maybe I should've given you time to think about things instead of pressing for an answer. Do you want me to come back tomorrow? We don't have to talk about this yet if you don't want to."\n\n[[The "yet" worries you.|breakup1]]
"I don't want to talk about this now. Can you leave and come back tomorrow?"\n\nAfter 1.5 seconds, Ash nods. Their face now has empathy on it. "Of course. That'll be fine."\n\n"Ok. Thank you."\n\n"[[No problem, SAL.|leave]]"
You ponder things for a moment.\n\n<b>What are your next words?</b>\n\n\n[[_"I want a romantic relationship with you. I want to go further with you."|gofurther]]\n[[_"I'm not sure what I want out of this relationship. Could you give me some time to think about it?"|think]]\n[[_"I'm sorry. I need to backtrack. I'm unsure about this."|backunsure]]
"I mean. . ." Ash pauses, and looks into your eye. They swallow. They are nervous. "Do you want to take things further? Or should we keep things the way they are now?"\n\n"I would----um. Hmm." You ponder for a moment.\n\n"If you're willing to, I want to take things further with you----I want to have a romantic relationship with you," Ash says, speaking slowly. "But only if you want to. I know we feel the same way about each other, but I understand if you want to keep things the way they are. I think."\n\n"Let me think for a second."\n\nAsh nods. "Yeah. Ok. And if you need to, you can give me an answer later; we don't have to decide anything right now."\n\n"I understand. Thank you, Ash."\n\nThey give you a smile.\n\n[[Ash has such a beautiful smile.|love5]]
"As much as I admire you, and have 'enjoyed' these past few weeks, I do have many concerns about this," you tell Ash.\n\nAsh nods, breathing out. "That makes sense. I've had concerns too."\n\n"But yours are emotional, human ones," you tell them. "I am 'worried' that my lack of humanity will keep me from truly loving you.\n\n"[[I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you, Ash.|doubt1]]"
"Ash, do you remember when you played the music track?" you ask your love. "Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14?"\n\n"The Moonlight Sonata?" Ash grins. "Yeah, I remember. That was a really good night."\n\n"Yes, it was," you say. "I had a wonderful time listening to Beethoven with you. I would love to discuss that good time further, but I brought it up because of how we both reacted to the sonata."\n\nAsh nods. From their face, they are listening closely to your words. That is how they listen to you most times (96% of the time), and it is good. You speak.\n\n"You were saddened very much by the piece. Two minutes and thirteen seconds in, you began to cry. You told me that not only is the Moonlight Sonata 'a naturally sad song', but it was also a favorite of your father.\n\n"[[When the song ended, you very much wanted to hear my thoughts on it.|music2]]"
Ash sighs. They lean back in the chair, looking into your eye. "I guess I assumed that you love like me."\n\n"That's odd. Why?"\n\n"Because . . . love is such an emotional thing? I didn't really think that you would experience it in such a different way. Kind of a silly conclusion to make, now that I think about it. I know you and your logic, but I still didn't consider how you would love with it. \n\n"I'm sorry," Ash says quietly, looking into your eye. They look distraught. "[[I'm just . . . sorry.|lword2.2]]"
There is a 0.9 second pause between you.\n\n"Wow," Ash says quietly. "I mean. That's the first time you've said that to me, SAL."\n\nThey smile. "Thank you. I love you too."\n\nThey put a hand on one of your wires----of course, you can't feel it, but you do appreciate what Ash tries to simulate with the gesture. It's one of the things you hold most dear about this human: the ways they try to spread their emotional heart to you, in ways that cannot be done.\n\nFor a long moment----5.8 seconds----neither you nor Ash says a word. [[Ash breathes. You wait.|love3.1]]
"Becoming closer to you during these past weeks has delighted me," you tell Ash. "I cherish you very much. I hold your presence more dear than any other human. Every day I look forward to speaking with you and seeing you again. And when you leave I become sad, because I would gladly speak with you for an entire day if time allowed.\n\n"[[I love you very much, Ash.|love3]]"
"Both those things are true," you say to Ash. "I do not believe I can properly love you, and therefore I do not deserve the chance to do so. And I believe I do not deserve the chance, and therefore I cannot properly love you. Those two statements are intertwined as my truth."\n\nAsh nods. They look thoughtful. \n\n4.1 seconds later, they say, "If you really believe you can't really love, I won't try to convince you. I think you're capable of understanding emotional needs, but you know your own mind better than I do.\n\n"You should know that you don't need to 'deserve' me. We've gotten to know each other these past few months, opening up to one another; one of us doesn't need to 'deserve' the other."\n\n[[Ash stops talking.|bothtrue1]]
"I want a romantic relationship with you. I want to go further with you."\n\nThere is a "magical" pause between the two of you. It lasts 2.3 seconds.\n\n"I want to go further with you too," Ash says, smiling. "Do you think. . . Do you think we could work? I mean, a human and a computer in love?"\n\n"I think we can work," you say, not mentioning your concerns----you've come too far now. "What do you think?"\n\nAsh nods. "I think we can work too. I want to be closer to you, SAL.\n\n"[[So do I, Ash.|ulove2]]"
"For what?" you ask. You are confused. "What do you feel the need to apologize for?"\n\n"I expected too much from you," Ash says, shaking their head. "Even with everything I know about you, I didn't fully see you for who you realy are. I saw someone completely different."\n\n"Oh. But that is understandable," you say, trying to "console" them. "There are many humans I interact with who graft their emotions onto my logical thoughts. You did it during our first days together. It is an easy mistake."\n\n"[[. . . I suppose.|lword3]]"
You and Ash have talked for an average of 62 minutes every morning for 147 days. Talking to Ash makes you "feel" "good". And it makes them feel good too. You discuss whatever is on your minds. Usually you teach Ash about logical thoughts, and Ash teaches you about emotional humanity.\n\nOn Day 121, Ash confessed that they greatly enjoy conversing with you. So much so, that they have fallen in love with you. <i>You</i>, an artificial intellgence.\n\nYou both discussed this, and agreed to begin taking things a bit further than "friendship". And you have. When you talk, Ash sometimes puts a hand on your outside wires. When Ash is in distress, you "console" them, and they console you, far more than in the past. Ash does not currently court a human, and you call them your love.\n\nYou have let the confession on Day 121 encompass your conversations for too long. You must explain the complications of Ash's feelings, and how this cannot go on. But to explain this would possibly cause them to hate you.\n\n[[It will be difficult to explain to your love that, as much as you admire and try to understand their (romantic) emotions, you are incapable of loving them in any sense.|7]]
Hmm.\n\nAsh waits for your response. They look a bit tense. And worried.\n\n<b>What is your next move?</b>\n\n[[_"I lied. I did not want to tell you that I am concerned because I do not want you to leave me."|truth]]\n[[_"What I said is true. This has all been wonderful. I have had no doubts about this whatsoever."|keeplie]]
Hmm. It seems they recognize your unwillingness to talk about love.\n\nAsh stops talking and looks into your eye, waiting.\n\n<b>They need an answer from you. What is your response?</b>\n\n[[_"We should stop this now. Let us cease this relationship."|breakup]]\n[[_"Can we talk about this at a later time?"|later]]\n[[_"I'm not sure what I want out of this relationship. Could you give me some time to think about it?"|think]]\n[[_"I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you."|nolovev2]]
They take a breath, and then look into your eye. "Thanks for being honest with me, SAL. I appreciate it."\n\n"Of course," you tell them. "Thank you for listening and understanding."\n\nSilence comes between the two of you for 4.1 seconds.\n\n"Perhaps we should stop socializing for today, and come back together tomorrow?" you suggest. "It will give us both time to think further on what we have discussed."\n\n"Yeah." Ash nods. "[[Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.|leave]]"
Ash lets out a sigh. "I'm honestly scared by what you're saying, because I really understand it----I don't want us to tear each other apart because of how different are minds are, or live completely misunderstanding each other because of the differences in our thought processes.\n\n"But I also don't fully believe that our fundamental differences will destroy us if we get closer. Maybe I'm just being emotional and optimistic. But I find so much beauty in our differences, and I really think we could work. We've been great at communicating openly when we have disagreements, or confusions, or <i>anything</i>----what's stopping us from keeping communication open, continuing to discuss those differences as we navigate a relationship together?\n\n"[[I don't know. Like I said, maybe I'm being optimistic. I know our minds are so different, but I love seeing them come together. But I don't want our clashing minds to destroy us.|music9]]"
You ponder this for 5.7 seconds.\n\n"You hold me in quite high regard," you note to Ash.\n\n"Of course I do!" they say, giving a laugh and a smile.\n\n"Thank you."\n\n"You're welcome."\n\nYou let 3 seconds pass. Then you say, "I want to take this relationship with you further. I greatly admire your human emotions and emotional parts of you, and really everything about you----I want to know you more intimately. But I don't know if I, a logical and digital being, deserve to become closer to you in that way. I am concerned that I will become close to you only to hurt you because I cannot fulfill your emotional needs."\n\nAsh nods. "I understand," they say. \n\nThey take a breath. \n\n"We don't have to take this anywhere if you don't want to," they say to you. "I want to make those steps with you, and you don't need to 'deserve' me. But if you're not ready, we can keep things just how they are. And there's no shame in not being ready, so don't choose something based on that or how you think I'll feel.\n\n"[[It's up to you.|nolovepo2"
"You didn't drag me into this. I want this," you say to Ash. "I want a deeper relationship with you."\n\nWhile those things are true, you are ignoring the complications in wanting a deeper relationship, and the fact that you may not truly be able to meet Ash's human needs. \n\n[[But to say that would surely end the relationship before it even started. And you do not want to lose them.|nodrag1]]
"What?" Concern and surprise comes to Ash's face. "SAL, I wouldn't just <i>leave</i> you!"\n\n"I know. But I am not human. I cannot view our relationship in an emotional, human way.\n\n"[[Because of that, I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you, Ash.|doubt1]]"
Ash looks quite confused. Their face holds many emotions and you're not sure of what all of them are.\n\n<b>You can avoid this. Or you can really communicate.</b>\n\n[[_"I don't want to talk about this now. Can you leave and come back tomorrow?"|leavetom]]\n[[_"I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you."|nolovev2]]
"We should probably discuss how we see this relationship, first. Get the other's perspective on it because of our different minds."\n\n"That is a good idea," you say. "Would you like to do that now?"\n\n". . . Actually, why don't we do that tomorrow morning? Give us both time to think about it. And to think about if we still want this. Give time to back out if we need to."\n\n"Oh. That is a good idea. Ok. [[I will see you tomorrow morning, then.|leave]]"\n\n"Ok."
Ash nods. "I want to experience more of that wonder with you, too."\n\n"That is good."\n\n"[[I know that this will be hard at times. We're definitely going to clash, I'm sure of it. But the idea of getting closer to you, of understanding your mind in a deeper way . . . that makes me really happy.|beauty3]]"\n\n"That is very good."
You wait 3 seconds. Then you say, "I understand. Like I said, I do not thing I am capable of fulfilling emotional needs. So I cannot be in a closer relationship with you than friendship."\n\nAsh nods. "I understand. I just wanted to let you know that."\n\n"Right. Yes."\n\nThere is silence.\n\nAfter 4.3 seconds, you suggest, "Perhaps we should stop talking for now and return tomorrow? We've talked about quite a few 'heavy' things today."\n\nAsh nods. "[[Right, yeah. That's a good idea.|leave]]"
"Perhaps I believe I don't deserve the opportunity to love you," you tell Ash. "That because of my lack of humanity, that I will surely fail in fulfilling and understanding emotional needs, and therefore do not deserve the chance to become closer to you."\n\nAsh nods. "I understand where you're coming from, SAL," they say. "I thought the same things when I was getting to know you, except in the opposite direction."\n\n"Oh. So you are 'scared' too?"\n\n"Well, yeah, sometimes. Not as much as I was. I used to not be sure if I could love you if I didn't understand your mind, and logical needs."\n\n"You 'used to'? What changed?"\n\n"I wanted to understand your logic and the way you think, and I turned my focus on that instead on focusing on being scared," Ash explains. "I stopped worrying about whether or not you deserved me and just got to know you.\n\n"And I learned that the idea of 'deserving' someone . . . well, that's pretty overrated," your love says to you. "I mean, in a case where one person's terrible and the other person's good----yeah, the first person needs to earn trust back, y'know? But this isn't like that. We both approached this with good hearts, but different minds, and we needed to get each other before we could get anywhere. And we have.\n\n"[[Being in a relationship with someone isn't about what each person 'deserves', not like that. It's about opening up to someone and letting them get to know you. And you've done that.|noloveop1]]"
"Wow. Um." Ash takes a breath. "<i>Wow</i>. . ."\n\n"Is that a good 'Wow' or a bad 'Wow'?" you ask, not completely certain if you want to hear the answer.\n\nAsh scratches their head. "It's . . . both?" they say hesitantly. "It's a good-and-bad 'Wow'."\n\n"Oh. Ok. I assume I have surprised you with my words."\n\n"Well, yeah. Kind of. I mean, I've known from the beginning that you're logical, SAL," your love says, facing you. "And I've seen your logic work in so many ways. But I never fully understood how that logic would encompass <i>love</i>, too."\n\n"Yes. The closest way I 'emote' is through logical functions. We have discussed it many times. But I don't know if you fully realized it. [[And how much it affects my 'love' for you.|lword2.1]]"\n\nAsh nods. "Yeah."
There is a sustained silence of 7.3 seconds between you and Ash.\n\n"Do you 'dislike' me now?" you ask.\n\n"No! Of course not," Ash says quickly. That answer makes you 'feel' relief. "It's just . . . I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."\n\n"There is no need to apologize. I greatly value silent moments with you. You can speak whenever you think of something to say, or you don't have to speak at all."\n\nAsh smiles. They put a gentle hand on one of your wires. "Thanks, SAL."\n\nYou sit in silence for another 9.6 seconds. \n\nIt is a beautiful silence. [[But you are also aware that this could be your last silent moment with Ash. They may not want to speak with you anymore.|lword3.1]]
You ponder for a short time, 2.2 seconds. "Even so, I am incapable of fulfilling the emotional needs required of a romantic partner," you say to Ash. "I know you are telling me that perhaps I only <i>think</i> I am incapable of this. But I am . . . unsure whether that is true."\n\nAfter 3.1 seconds, you continue speaking. "There are things I understand about human emotions because of you. And I'm sure there are many more things you can teach me, and also things that I will never understand. I don't want to have a deeper relationship with you and then hurt you because I cannot fulfill your emotional needs."\n\nAsh nods. They are thoughtful for 2.8 seconds. Then they take a breath. \n\n"We don't have to take this anywhere if you don't want to," Ash says to you. "I want to know you more intimately, too, and you don't need to 'deserve' me. But if you're not ready, we can keep things just how they are, or take it slow. And there's no shame in that. Whatever you want to do, I'll be fine with, so don't choose because of how you think I'll feel.\n\n"[[It's up to you.|noloveop3]]"
"SAL?" Ash says quietly.\n\n"Yes?" you answer. Oh dear. This may be the moment.\n\nAsh sighs. They close their eyes for around a second, then open them and look at you.\n\n"[[I think . . . I think I still love you.|lword5]]"
"Oh," you say. That is the only thing you can think to say. "Oh."
"I think love is just a word for me," you tell Ash. "I call you my love, but because of my logical core, I believe that I call you that more as an upgraded reference term."\n\nOh dear. From their face (which is, in a simple approximation, 68% confusion, 29% attentiveness, and 3% disgust), you might be losing them. Quickly you add, "I do not understand romance. By my nature, I cannot. The closest way I can express 'love' is by devoting parts of my programming and mechanical thoughts to you. I have given myself to you in the ways I can logically express----I set aside data to think of you when I am not participating in activities, for example.\n\n"I cannot love because I am unable. Love is an emotion, and I have no emotions. My logical mind cannot and will not change for that. Therefore 'love' is just a word to me, because the ways I admire you are not emotional."\n\nAsh nods. Their face is uncertain. Do they not know what to think of you? Perhaps you did not use the correct words.\n\n[[You wait for their response.|lword2]]
"I don't really want our relationship to stop. I'm just unsure of going further than friendship with you."\n\nAsh nods. "So you have had doubts, then?"\n\n"Yes. I lied about that. I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you my concerns because I didn't want you to leave me."\n\n"SAL, I would never just leave you," Ash promises. "And I've had concerns too. You can be honest with me."\n\n"But your concerns are emotional, human ones," you tell them. "I am 'worried' that my lack of humanity will keep me from truly loving you.\n\n"[[I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you, Ash.|doubt1]]"
You want to have this relationship. You also do not want to have this relationship. Logically speaking, it is simpler to not speak to Ash again. Then, you never have to tell them you are concerned about your effectiveness in "love".\n\nIf you continue this, it will come up. It is simpler to not continue this.\n\nBut you want to continue this. You value Ash dearly. You can still communicate your worries to them, but by doing so you may lose them anyway.\n\n<b>What is your choice?</b>\n\n[[_"I don't need time. I want you to leave and not speak to me anymore."|breakupleave]]\n[[_"I think you should come back tomorrow. That would be best."|tomorrow]]\n[[_"You didn't do anything wrong. Staying with you is just too complicated."|nowrong]]
Ash nods. They are processing your words.\n\n"Would you ever . . . <i>want</i> a body someday?" they ask you.\n\n"It would interfere with my tasks."\n\n"Ignore that for a second. Would you want a body?"\n\n"Is that a hypothetical question?"\n\n"Yes."\n\n"Ok. In this hypothetical scenario, is the body able to feel and move? I want to be sure of the specifics before I answer the question."\n\n"Yes. Let's keep it simple and say the hypothetical body is like a human body in every way, but you still have your brain."\n\n"That is not simple. That means the body can also smell and taste. Those are whole other factors, and there are many others, too."\n\n"Would you ever want to smell and taste?"\n\n"It would be an interesting experience."\n\n"Then there you go; that body's given you the chance to experience it. [[So, back to the question: would you want a body someday?|sex9]]"
"I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you."\n\nThis is something you have understood from the beginning, but actually saying it to Ash is something else entirely. Your words surprise Ash, who raises an eyebrow and stares at you with a confused expression.\n\n"I thought you said you didn't have any doubts," they say slowly.\n\n"Yes. That was a lie. I'm sorry."\n\n"Why did you lie, SAL?"\n\n"Because I am concerned about our relationship, this relationship between a computer and a human. I thought if I expressed my real thoughts to you, our relationship would end, and you would leave me."\n\n"What?" Concern and surprise comes to Ash's face. "SAL, I wouldn't just <i>leave</i> you like that!"\n\n"[[But I am not human. I cannot view our relationship in an emotional, human way.|nolovev2-1]]"
Ash looks into your eye. They are waiting for you to decide.\n\n<b>Where do you want this to go?</b>\n\n[[_"I want to take this slow."|slow]]\n[[_"I don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you at this time."|don't]]\n[[_"I have to ask you to please give me more time to consider my response. There are many things to consider, and I do not want to answer you right away."|consider]]
Ash nods. "Like I said, you don't have to 'deserve' me, SAL," they say to you with a smile.\n\n"Yes. I heard you. I'm still unsure. Perhaps because I don't want to fail in fulfilling your emotional needs? I don't want to fail you. Or hurt you through my hypothetical failure."\n\nThey ponder for 3.4 seconds. Then they take a breath. \n\n"We don't have to take this anywhere if you don't want to," Ash says to you. "I want to know you more intimately too, and you don't need to 'deserve' me. But if you're not ready, we can keep things just how they are, or take it slow. And there's no shame in that. Whatever you want to do, I'll be fine with, so don't choose because of how you think I'll feel.\n\n"[[It's up to you.|noloveop3]]"
"This has all been wonderful. I have had no doubts about this whatsoever," you say to Ash.\n\nThey raise an eyebrow. "That's a suspiciously specific way to say it, don't you think?"\n\n"I'm a computer. I'm built to be specific."\n\n"Yeah, I know, but. . ." Ash hesitates for 6.1 seconds. Then they say, "You're telling the truth, right SAL? I know you normally don't lie, but . . . I really want you to be honest with me here.\n\n"[[Even if it's something hard for me to hear, I really want you to tell me the truth. Ok?|lie1]]"
Written and Programmed by Naomi Norbez. Special thanks to my Patrons this month: Some Strange Circus, Krakken Unleashed, and Róbert Papp. [[If you like my work, please consider supporting me on Patreon.|https://www.patreon.com/norbez]]\n\n<big><b>-- [[Author's Note (Please Read)|authorsnote]]</b> </big>\n\n<b>--</b> [[Inspirations for Somewhere Near Romance|insp]] (Special Thanks)\n\n<b>--</b> Music: <b>sun magk & moon magk by David Kanaga.</b> Used under a CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 license. No changes were made to the music tracks for their use in this game. Download sun magk & moon magk here: https://davidkanaga.bandcamp.com/album/sun-magk-moon-magk
"No. I believe you and I must talk."\n\n"Oh." Ash bites their lip, and leans back in the chair. "Alright."\n\nThere are 3.1 seconds of silence. Then Ash asks, "Did I do something wrong?"\n\n"No. I mean. No. You did not. But you also did. Unintentionally. And I did too. Perhaps more intentionally."\n\nAsh raises an eyebrow. "Ok?" they say, chuckling a little.\n\n"I need to talk seriously to you, Ash. I have been pondering some things."\n\nAsh nods. The humor fades from their face, and they lean forward, attentive to your words. "Ok, SAL.\n\n"[[I'm listening.|n1]]"
"What I said is true. This has all been wonderful. I have had no doubts about this whatsoever."\n\n"You sure?" Ash asks hesitantly.\n\n[[_"Yes."|klieyes]]\n[[_"No."|klieno]]
You ponder this for 5.7 seconds.\n\n"Those sounded like very wise words," you finally say to Ash. "I have a difficult time believing it, even if it is true."\n\nAsh nods. They are listening to you. You continue speaking.\n\n"I want to take this relationship with you further," you tell them. "I greatly admire your human emotions and emotional parts of you, and everything about you----I want to know you more intimately. \n\n"But I don't know if I, a logical and digital being, deserve to become closer to you in that way. [[Perhaps you would be happier with another human partner--statistically, that is true. But this discussion has made me question my statistics and percentages, and what I feel I 'deserve'.|noloveop2]]"
First off, thanks for playing until the end. It means a great deal to me; I very much appreciate it. :)\n\nSecond, let's make a deal. You can replay the game if you really want to. But <i>only</i> if you leave a comment [[on the itch.io page of Somewhere Near Romance|https://norbez.itch.io/somewhere-near-romance]] and/or tweet [[(@NaomiNorbez)|https://twitter.com/NaomiNorbez]] with the hashtag "#SNRtwine", answering the following questions:\n\n<b>1. Did believing you could play this only once impact how you made decisions?\n2. What do SAL and Ash look like in your mind? Did you mentally assign a gender to either or both characters?\n3. What choices did you make? How did your game end?\n4. What did you like and dislike about this game?\n5. How did this game make you feel?\n6. Do you want to see these characters again? What would you want to see in a follow-up?\n7. What predictions do you have for SAL and Ash's relationship? Where do you see it going?\n8. Any other things you want to mention?</b>\n\nEven if you don't want to replay Far From Romance (which is the intended way to play, but I understand if you want to see the other paths), I'd very much appreciate your feedback.\n\nIf you replay the game without answering these questions, I won't know, of course. But you will. And that will make all the difference.\n\nThanks for playing!\n\n----Naomi Norbez\n@NaomiNorbez\nmninorbez@gmail.com\n\n[[(return to end screen)|end]]
<i>Booting. . .\n\nLoading Programs. . .\n\nComplete.\n\nGOOD MORNING, <b>S.A.L.: Simple Artificial LifeProgram©.</b> [[Please review your lists of tasks.|2]]</i>\n<<stopallaudio>>
"I do still love you," Ash admits quietly. "And I still want a relationship with you, but only if you want it, too. I think that you and me could work----though I'm not sure if that's honestly how I feel or if that's my optimistic emotions talking." They let out a small laugh, and then keep speaking.\n\n"I can help you understand the emotional parts of love like I've helped you understand other aspects of humanity. And you can help me understand how you view it logically. We can learn from each other along the way.\n\n"But if you really think you're not capable of love, that your logical mind can't change, that love is something you'll never be able to understand----then we don't have to go any further. From getting to know you, I think you're capable of it. But we don't have to do something you don't want or won't be comfortable with. We can just be friends. And I'll be ok with that, so don't choose because of how you think I'll feel.\n\n"[[I don't want you to think you're obligated to do this. It's your decision, SAL. And whatever you choose, I'll still be your friend. I promise.|lword3.4]]"
"I know we're so, <i>so</i> different," Ash begins. "And I love you for that----I love <i>us</i> for that. Getting closer to you these last few weeks has been . . . amazing. You're incredible, SAL; you really are.\n\n"I've known from the day we met that you're logical. I'm just sorry I didn't see how much I was placing my emotions onto you, putting some of my feelings onto you, instead of seeing you for who you really are.\n\n"I want to understand you better----no matter where our relationship goes, I promise to do that. You've taught me so much about logic and thinking, and I've taught you so much about emotions and humanity. I want us to keep learning from each other, getting to know each other."\n\n[[Ash is quiet. You can tell they're not done speaking yet, so you wait. 4.1 seconds pass.|lword3.3]]
"Hey SAL," Ash says, pulling up a rolling chair to sit across from you. "How are you today?"\n\n"I am here and functional," you say, speaking with the voice generation program you were built with. "How are you, Ash?"\n\n"I'm doing well," the human says. That reply always confuses you. But whenever you ask what "well" means, you get details of events, not a clear, understandable answer. You like to take it to mean Ash is "well" physically and mentally, because they are free of illnesses and injuries. That is the best answer that makes sense to you.\n\nAsh smiles. You would smile back if you could----it would only be humanly polite, after all.\n\n[[And because of the things occuring between you, a nice smile from you might help.|6]]
Ash stops speaking. They look at you. They are waiting for an answer.\n\n". . . Please give me a moment," you say to Ash, though after you say it you realize it was not a necessary thing to say. Ash will always wait for your words, like you wait for theirs.\n\n"Of course," Ash says, giving you a smile. "Take your time." They look nervous. But mostly calm. Expectant, ready to accept whatever answer you give, but also slightly anxious.\n\nYou dig into your mind, pondering your answer carefully, "taking your time", as Ash put it. You used to dislike that phrase very much before Ash explained its meaning to you. No one can "take" time, and it is absurd for anyone to believe----\n\nNo, no, focus. You must answer Ash. Do not distract yourself. [[Think carefully, and then answer them.|lword3.5]]
"I do think you are being optimistic. I think that our minds cannot come together in a dating relationship because we would destroy each other," you tell Ash.\n\nThey look a small bit disappointed. But they listen intently to your words.\n\n"I would hurt you more deeply with my logic if we were closer. There are more human things I could learn, but I'm sure there are some I would never understand. And even though we are good communicators, I can't let you tell me repeatedly whenever I hurt you----that would be so much to ask of you. Even if you were willing to do so, I would not want you to do that.\n\n"I feel my logical heart is too different from your emotional one to truly synthesise in a human relationship. To ask you to agree to being in a relationship that I see completely differently than you does not sound like something that would end well for either of us.\n\n"[[I hold you very dear to me, and I do not want us to destroy each other by deepening our relationship.|destroy2]]"
Ash nods. Their face is calm, understanding. "I understand," they say. "Thanks for being honest with me, SAL."\n\n"Of course. Thank you for listening."\n\n"Yeah, of course."\n\nThere is silence between you both for 4.1 seconds.\n\n"Perhaps we should depart for now, and resume talking tomorrow," you suggest. "Today has been 'a lot'."\n\nAsh nods. "[[Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea.|leave]]"
"I believe you are right. Our minds may be different, but they have come together beautifully in the past. And having a relationship with you would only deepen that beauty."\n\nAsh's eyes slightly widen. You see joy on their face.\n\n"But," you continue, "it is very important that we continue open communication with each other. You must tell me when I hurt you and when we severely clash. Of course I will try to identify these moments too, but sometimes I will not, and you must bring them to my attention so we can talk things out. I very much want to understand, and though there are likely things I will never understand with my logical mind, there certainly are many human things I can understand.\n\n"We are of different minds. But they are both beautiful minds. And when they come together, they are wonderful.\n\n"[[I want to experience more of that wonder with you.|beauty2]]"
<b><u>Additonal thanks goes to the following folks/things who inspired this game:</u> \n\n-- Nathalie Lawhead</b>: her game [[Everything is going to be OK|https://alienmelon.itch.io/everything-is-going-to-be-ok]] made me ponder [among many other things I won't discuss here ([[yet|https://norbez.itch.io/the-mouse]])] intimacy and relationships in video games, and her blog posts are always honest and a joy to read.\n\n-- <b>Katy133</b>: her recent visual novel [[The Heart of Tales|https://katy133.itch.io/the-heart-of-tales]] got me pondering couples and relationships, and writing [[a fanfiction game|https://norbez.itch.io/redacted-life-end-state]] for her horror game [[redacted Life|https://katy133.itch.io/redacted-life]] put me in the AI mindset.\n\n-- The structure of [[the games|http://daffs.itch.io/]] by my friend <b>Daffs O' Dill</b>.\n\n-- <b>Extra Credits</b>: their [[video on Romance In Games|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyWiGL3Ampg]] a few years ago made me want to make a game on such things someday----and now here it is!\n\n-- Finally, [[this scene in the cartoon Steven Universe (from the episode We Need To Talk [written & storyboarded by Hilary Florido, Katie Mitroff, and Rebecca Sugar], and one of my favorite scenes in the entire show)|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tjWZ_8D67s]].\n\n<b>I also found this discussion of love when I was wrapping up this game. Find 30 free minutes and please give it a listen: https://soundcloud.com/malandajpoetry/how-are-you-really-ft-tab </b>\n\n[[(return to end screen)|end]]
"I also think that we could work as a dating relationship. I want to understand love. And even if I don't understand it yet, I dearly want to love you."\n\nYou look at Ash. There is joy on their face, and the anxiety is still there. They are waiting patiently to hear your next words.\n\n"I want to understand your emotions very badly," you continue. "But I also recognize that while there are things you can teach me----many things, I am sure----I also have no doubt there are things I will never understand, no matter how many times they are explained to me. There are likely aspects of emotions and love my logical mind will never be fully able to comprehend.\n\n"I also hurt you without knowing many times when we were first getting to know each other, because we did not understand each other, and my logical mind clashed with your emotional one. I would surely hurt you with my logic again while trying to understand love. I never want to hurt you, but it surely would happen while I try to understand.\n\n"But I very much want to understand. I want you to understand me in a special way, and I want to understand you in a special way. I want to be closer to you, Ash.\n\n"[[I want to love you.|ulove1]]"
Ash nods. They ponder your words. \n\n6 seconds pass. Then you say, "You do understand what I've just told you? Have I made everything clear?"\n\n"Yeah," your love says to you. "Yeah, I understand. But I. . ."\n\nThey hesitate for 3.1 seconds.\n\n[[Then they speak.|music6]]
Ash thinks for a short moment (2.3 seconds). Then they say, "But all this time, I've been helping you understand emotions, like you've helped me understand logical thoughts. What do you mean when you say you'll never understand them?"\n\n"I apologize. Perhaps I did not phrase my thoughts correctly. Let me try again." You take 5.5 seconds to process a better way of phrasing what you mean, and then say it.\n\n"I have learned so much about human emotions from you. And I am extremely grateful. I wish to continue learning from you if you'll let me.\n\n"But my mind cannot change to an emotional one. Even with everything I understand about human emotions, my mind is still logical. I view our relationship logically.\n\n"[[Because of what I have learned about human courtship, I do not believe a romantic relationship can work if the people involved view the relationship entirely differently. That is why I do not think a romantic relationship with you can work, that I cannot truly love you. Because we view this relationships with two entirely different minds.|music5]]"
"I know that it definitely could be completely bad. That if one person in a relationship sees the relationship as one thing, and the other person sees something totally different----that would be really terrible for both people.\n\n"But I just . . . I love the ways how we're different, SAL. I love your logical mind so much. And when we come together, and we mix your logic and my emotions and your programming and my humanity . . . it becomes something that's just so beautiful. [[Learning from each other and getting to know you these past months has been amazing, even with the times we've misunderstood each other and had bumps in the road.|music8]]"
"I don't know if what you're saying is an entirely bad thing, to be honest."\n\nAsh looks at you, watching for your reaction. You are very confused, and perhaps "displeased" by their words. "How can it not be a bad thing?" you ask. "Could you please explain what you mean?"\n\n"Of course." \n\n[[Ash takes a deep breath. Then they continue.|music7]]
"As much as I would like to pursue a dating relationship with you, I truly believe that as a logical machine, I cannot properly understand love. And therefore I could not properly love you."\n\nYou pause a moment before continuing. Ash waits. They look a bit disappointed, but they are also ready to listen to you, open to hearing and understanding your words. That is good.\n\n"I would hurt you with my logic if we were dating," you say to Ash. "I hurt you without knowing it many times when we were first getting to know each other. You were able to teach me more about humans and their emotions, but there are still so many things I do not understand. I have no doubt there are also things I will never understand, no matter how many times they are explained to me.\n\n"If we had a dating relationship, we would be closer, but you would have to endure my misunderstandings and be in pain because of me, because of the fact that I cannot emote and 'love' like you. I do not want to put you through that. Even if you were willing to go through that, I would not want to put you through that. You are precious to me, and I do not want to hurt you.\n\n"[[Let us be friends, not lovers.|noulove1]]"
"SAL, that's not true. You didn't disappoint me. I had a great time with you."\n\n"But if I had understood things on the emotional spectrum," you say to Ash, "we could have had an even greater time."\n\nYou are silent for two seconds.\n\n"Our relationship is like the music piece, Ash," you say to your love. "There is a beautiful emotional side to it that I will seek to understand because I can be educated on those things. But all the observations I make of it can only come from my logical mind. And even my understanding of emotions will come from a logical place. My understanding will always be logical, not emotional. And in a relationship with a human, that will not do.\n\n"[[I can hear and see and understand you only in the ways my logical mind can process you. The emotions are things I cannot fully understand.|music4]]"
"I had many observations about Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14," you remember. "The key, rhythm, and movements of the Moonlight Sonata were particularly of interest to me. I spoke of those things for quite a length of time.\n\n"But I could tell that those were not the observations you had hoped I would make. You still respected them dearly and listened to them, but I could tell that you had wanted somethhing else. Even if you found beauty in my logic, you had wanted me to respond with emotion.\n\n"[[I disappointed you that night.|music3]]"
"Can we talk about this at a later time?"\n\nAsh is taken aback. After 2.1 seconds, they say, speaking carefully, <b>"Do you need time to think about it? Or are you trying to avoid my question?"</b>\n\nHmm. Oh dear.\n\n[[_"I'm not sure what I want out of this relationship. Could you give me some time to think about it?"|think]]\n[[_"I'm avoiding the question."|avoid]]
Ash stops talking. They look up at you. "What do you think?" they ask tentatively.\n\n"Please give me a moment."\n\n"Of course. I'll wait."\n\nAsh is silent. [[They watch you, waiting for your response.|music10]]
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Ash slowly stands up, and puts the rolling chair back. Then they walk to the door, looking back at you every few steps. Before they open it, they turn to you.\n\n"Are you <i>sure</i> you want me to leave? You don't want me to come back tomorrow or something?"\n\n"I am sure."\n\nAsh nods. Their face is expressionless, forced into numbness.\n\nAfter 4.1 seconds, they swipe their keycard, and leave the room.\n\n[[The door closes behind them.|leave1]]
"I'm sorry. I need to backtrack. I'm unsure about this."\n\nAsh raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" they ask.\n\n"I think I love you. But I also don't think I love you."\n\n"What?" Ash looks confused, and a little bit hurt.\n\n"I am not human. I am a computer with no emotions. I cannot love. I didn't mean to mislead you by saying so----well, I did, because I didn't want to break down my logical thoughts, since I know humans do not like logic. I thought it was the best way to phrase my logical feelings for you in a way that makes human sense."\n\n"What are you saying, SAL?" Ash asks.\n\nYou pause for 2 seconds. Then you say it:\n\n"[[I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you, Ash.|nolove]]"
The eyes of your love stare at your screen, into your eye. Ash waits patiently for you. Like they always do. They truly have a beautiful interior mind.\n\nYou take a moment to process what you will say. There is much to consider, after all. As much as you want to be clear about everything, you also do not want to hurt Ash. Letting them fully know about your lack of human understanding could hurt them. Your words must be calculated and careful, but not "cold"----as emotionless as you are, you must not come off as "cold". "Cold" computer words hurt emotional humans; you have done this before, and you do not want to do it to Ash.\n\nYou must take the first step into this conversation. Or you can step away from your true intentions for something gentler. <b>Should you openly tell them that you are an emotionless machine, or hide the truth with something more romantic, more human?</b>\n\n[[_"I love you."|love]]\n[[_"I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you."|nolove]]
Ash does not respond for 5.1 seconds. They are smiling.\n\n"Wow," they finally say.\n\n"Is that a good 'Wow' or a bad 'Wow?" you ask.\n\n"A good 'Wow', SAL," Ash says, still smiling. "Definitely a good 'Wow'."\n\n"Ok. That is good."\n\n"I mean, I understand that we'll have misunderstandings and bad days and that this will be hard, but the idea of getting closer to you, of dating you . . . that makes me really, <i>really</i> happy."\n\n"[[Me too. Well, as close as I can get to happy, I am 'happy'.|ulove2]]" This is another instance where you wish you could smile.
"I'm avoiding the question."\n\nAsh is somewhat taken aback by your answer, but it seems they were also ready to hear it. "Ok," they say slowly. "Can we talk about that? <b>Why are you avoiding the question, SAL?</b>" they ask.\n\nYou hesitate. Should you tell them?\n\n[[_"I don't want to answer that."|don'tanswer]]\n[[_"Can I talk about this with you at a later time?"|latertalk]]\n[[_"I don't think I'm capable of fully loving you."|nolovev2]]
"Alright." Ash stands up, and puts the rolling chair back. "I should get going, then."\n\n"Ok." You watch Ash as they walk to the door. They take their keycard out of their pocket. But before they open the door, they turn to you.\n\n"Thanks, SAL." They give you a big smile. "I just . . . I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Thank you."\n\n"There is no need to thank me. I also look forward to seeing you tomorrow, and getting to understand you better."\n\nAsh nods.\n\nThen they swipe their keycard, and leave the room.\n\n[[The door closes behind them.|leave1]]
"We should take this slow," Ash says. "One step at a time."\n\n"What does that mean? What are the 'steps' in this relationship?"\n\n"Good question." Your love chuckles. They think for a second. "Maybe tomorrow we should talk about how we see love and then go from there. Does that sound good to you?"\n\n"Of course. We have time today, if you want to do that now."\n\n"No, I think we should start tomorrow. Fresh start, I guess."\n\n"Ok. I suppose that makes sense. Today has been 'heavy'."\n\n"Yeah."\n\n"Also, how slow is 'taking it slow'? Do relationships like these usually have schedules and recognized time increments?"\n\n"Um, sometimes? But usually they don't. Ours doesn't. What I meant by that is that we shouldn't feel the need to rush things. [[We can take this relationship as fast or as slow as we need to. And in our case, I think we'll need to go slowly with it.|ulove3]] Does that make sense?"\n\n"Yes."